This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
3 2 1 whiskey
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
