I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When did angry sex become our thing?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
