I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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