I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
