I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
