Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
