Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
