at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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