i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
