There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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