Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize