My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
