he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
