I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
