Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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