The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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