Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
