Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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