I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
