I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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