you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
