Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
