there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
