oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
