Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Who did Billy Mays play for?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
