My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so that wasnt chicken after all
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
