Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
