i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
