So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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