You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
