Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize