Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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