get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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