That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
