drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
