He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
