There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
