yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
