i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
