i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
