My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
