he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
