Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
