He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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