I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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