we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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