I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
farters have to be the big spoon...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize