Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
