you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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