All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
