Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's get the cat blown out
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
