you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
