If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
