No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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