I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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