It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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