Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
