oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
