everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
