she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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