when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
