I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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