Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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