i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
