Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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