I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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