You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
