Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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